Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
