I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
