I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
