i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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