what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
