My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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