so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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