I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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