I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
