Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
