I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
