grandma shit on top of the toilet
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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