heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
