You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
