is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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