he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
