is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
