just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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