I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
