What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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