So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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