Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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