You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FUCK WHALES
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
