He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
