Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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