...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You smell like stripper and shame
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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