Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
