I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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