He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
