I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The uberlube is also flammable
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
