FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize