got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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