I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
