I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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