you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
