he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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