sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
