i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
