OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
