Having a random hookup so left but love u
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
