I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
