i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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