He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
false alarm, still single
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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