so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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