He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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