Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
