Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
