some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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