i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
