careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
