My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
