I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
