So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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