Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
