i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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