My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
