she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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