i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize