Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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