So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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