it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
