That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
