none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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