I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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