I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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