I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
