i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
