He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
