Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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