That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
