Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
