Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize