I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize