it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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