with your own penis?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
