i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
